The idea of beauty and what is desired changes all the time, however, our views of ourselves have always been the same. Critical.
Our bodies are what we inherit from the minute we were born, and for the most parts of our lives, we tend not to appreciate what we have. For some, it could be because they are “too hairy”, and for others, it’s the opposite. Some might hate that their genetics don’t allow them to gain weight despite eating, and some feel the exact same way about being bulkier regardless of constant dieting. This comes to show that our bodies, despite its resilience, are not able to conform to the way we wish it looked all the time.
INSECURITY SURROUNDING APPEARANCE & WHERE IT STEMS FROM
Insecurity can stem from various sources but for many young girls, it is not uncommon to have themselves being compared to other girls who fit the beauty standard by their mothers and/or relatives. According to Aisyah*, a 21-year-old university student who struggles with an eating disorder, from the mere age of 8, she was constantly told to lose weight by her mother so that she could be in the gymnastics team, and since then she had practiced multiple unhealthy methods to achieve what her mother desired. Some of the methods include skipping meals to the point she’d feel lightheaded, extreme exercise where she’d go for runs almost every day for at least one hour on an empty stomach, and other similar methods that she could not recall.
Besides her weight, Aisyah has always felt self-conscious of her overall appearance as she was always pressured to be what society deems as attractive, and with her genetic condition that causes her to have thin hair, she has always felt lesser-than in terms of appearance, or as what she describes as “less of a woman”. She mentioned that being a woman comes with a long list of expectations to satisfy society, and having long, beautiful, and luscious hair is one of them; given her genetic condition, she knows that this is something she could never have. This part of herself is what she would describe as a genetic curse.
The same insecurity can be instilled in young boys, contrary to popular belief. For Alec*, a 22-year-old university graduand who is working on reversing the negative physical image of himself, the pressure to change his body didn’t come from his family but his school peers that often made fun of the way he looked. Living in a society that is fatphobic, getting bullied for being overweight is so normalized that even educators jump into the bandwagon to shame someone for their weight.
“From as young as I can remember, my family and I have always enjoyed food. It was a big part of our lives. We’d always spend the most time together when we were sharing a meal. In fact, most of our celebrations (be it birthdays, anniversaries, or other events) revolves around food. I guess that’s why I never really thought of overeating as a problem, because it always brought me the happy feeling of connecting with my family.” — Alec
Alec recalled a time when his Physical Education teacher asked him to demonstrate how to do the jumping jacks in front of the class, and went on to make fun and laugh at him because of the way he did them that looked funny due to his body size. After the incident, Alec tried to skip school as often as possible just to avoid having to relive the embarrassing incident, especially when having to face the teacher and his classmates who were present at that moment. He had leaned towards his introversive personality more ever since then just to avoid getting fooled again.
The incident had made him become more self-conscious of his looks, and he soon realized that besides his family tradition with food, his genetics contribute a lot to his inability to be skinny. Despite eating so little and exercising more frequently than most people would, he found it near impossible to achieve his dream body. Alec managed to lose an approximate of 40 kilograms ever since he left high school and planned to continue with his intense weight loss routine, however, he found it hard to sustain that lifestyle and began gaining weight yet again. Personally, having to constantly struggle with his weight due to his biology is a curse to him.
COPING WITH THE INEVITABLE
Accepting one’s self fully as what they are can be a challenge to many, even to one of the most beautiful actresses of all time, Audrey Hepburn. Her son once mentioned during an interview that Hepburn was always amazed at the fact people globally admired her beauty, implying that she was not aware of it. This demonstrates that being beautiful has a lot to do with self-acceptance and embracing your flaws and beauty as a whole. After all, Hepburn did mention that she believed happy girls are the prettiest girls.
Living in an era where beauty is more diverse and inclusive does leave an impact to many, especially to impressionable young teenagers who are in the journey of discovering themselves. The idea of beauty has expanded and this gives room to the young to be more than just the traditional beauty standards. One example of a celebrity who is not afraid to express themselves is Rina Sawayama, a Japanese-British singer and songwriter who believes in her own uniqueness. In an article from The Line of Best Fit, Sawayama said, “I don’t want to be another stereotype and I don’t want to do the same thing that people have heard of Japan. I have lived in the UK all my life and so I bring a unique perspective.” Embracing her uniqueness has inspired her fans globally to do the same.
“Knowing that the beauty standard is more diverse now and especially following celebrities like Rina Sawayama, has kind of reassured me in the sense that I don’t feel like I have to fit into a specific group within a society. An example would be when I practically punished myself for not being skinny enough in the past, but now I have come to realize that my body is my own and that I shouldn’t be comparing mine to others. It’s still a work in progress but just knowing that people like Rina are out there being true to themselves gives me a little faith in myself.” — Alec
Whilst many celebrities wear wigs due to various reasons, they all share one thing in common; they want to look their absolute best in front of cameras. Some celebrities who are known to rock wigs include Rihanna and Beyonce, the two amazingly talented black singers who often change their looks to give the most “wow” impact to their fans every time they make an appearance, especially on red carpets. Although it is almost a mandated thing to see celebrities wearing wigs, there is still a stigma surrounding common people who wear them on a daily basis.
“Is your hair fake?”
“Why are you wearing a wig out?”
“Do you have cancer?”
When a regular person wears a wig out, it is not a surprise to encounter someone, be it a total stranger, a family member or even a friend, who would unprovokedly ask questions as listed above. Maybe they ask those questions out of genuine curiosity, with no intention of shaming someone for wearing a wig, but that does not make it any less awkward for the other person.
Aisyah shared her experience experimenting with wigs as she tried to build her self-confidence by having the hair of her dreams, but she received funny looks from her family members instead. She admitted that wearing her long wig gives her the confidence she’s been longing for, however, she’s never wore it out, out of fear of the judgement that comes hand in hand with wearing a wig. She has instead tried different hairstyles with her natural hair to see what suits her best. This has taught her to be more comfortable with herself, though the satisfaction of looking at herself in the mirror isn’t quite the same as when she wears her long wig.
“Although it’s an ongoing process of getting myself to be more comfortable in my own body, giving myself the room to try out different styles that I think would look good on myself helps with me finding the look that I want to achieve.” — Aisyah
PRACTICING SELF-COMPASSION
It can be really hard to be nice to ourselves as we have been taught our whole lives that in order to be the best version of ourselves, we have to be critical of our every action and be responsible for our every mistake, when sometimes these things are out of our control. This mindset has made it hard for us to accept our little imperfections.
It’s been proven by therapists that remembering that we are not alone in this journey of accepting ourselves as a whole helps us be a little kinder to ourselves. One way to go around this is by asking if you would judge or treat someone else as harshly as you would yourself for having the same physical traits that you dislike.
This is a reminder that every individual, including yourself, deserves empathy and compassion.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
